ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
