I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
