I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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