You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
