I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
