Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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