Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
