took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
