it hurts more in the daytime
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
