I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
