Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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