That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
