i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
