New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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