Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
