I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
