I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
