If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
