And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
