I want to have your abortion
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
