Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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