we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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