Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
