Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
