His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
