we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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