So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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