he thought i was a dude.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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