You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
