my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
