This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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