I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
