My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
