I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
