A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
