Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Terrible idea I love it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
