What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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