I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
