god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
