i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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