new low.... made out with someone while peeing
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
