today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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