But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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