what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
