How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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