I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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