Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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