I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
