I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
