God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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