dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
