If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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