My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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