handjob tips. give me some.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
