Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
